It is not hard to see I’ve neglected this blog for quite a while. If you’ve commented and I’ve not responded, I apologize. If you’ve reached out to me on my Facebook and I’ve been radio silent, I profusely ask for your understanding and forgiveness.
I guess I would like to preface this by saying, functioning is a constant struggle no matter how well you seem to appear on the outside. I am going to write a little timeline to condense this time I’ve been away, and I may choose later to expand on the events in later blog posts.
- I got divorced November 19th, 2015.
To say we started having problems in May of 2015 would be an understatement. Our marriage was problematic before we said “I Do”, and the slow unraveling of my psyche was in large part due to this. What started out as simple emotional abuse slowly led up to a an event that could not be forgiven or forgotten. In the middle of an argument about the most asinine thing imaginable, something so minuscule that even to this day I could not recall the subject, my husband walked up to me and spit in my face. Not only that, he told me that “when I leave, I hope you kill yourself.” Now, as you can see, I am alive. That night I did escape to a hotel room, but was pulled back with promises and empty apologies. We separated in August of 2015 and the divorce was finalized in November. I am going to write a follow up post to this specifically about my marriage and its implosion.
- A few days before my divorce, my furbaby died.
Spanky was my child. When he was born, I removed the amniotic sac and hand-reared him as he was the runt. He was as connected to me as one of my limbs and had been with me for almost six entire years. He was my emotional support, my love, and even to this day I cannot speak of his death or him for more than a few minutes. My ex had taken our other dog, Kennedy, in the separation. He never wanted her in our marriage, did not train or care for her, but insisted he was to have her. I was left husbandless, childless, and with little connection to the familiar.
- I changed jobs.
In July of last year, I began working at a non-profit as a Direct Support Professional with low-functioning adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities. I worked with all types of disabilities, but they brought me in specifically to work with the adult non-verbal autistics. I loved my job, but it did not pay a wage that could support my newly single lifestyle and the chaos of everyday had triggered my sensory issues to such a level that a few weeks before I quit, I was in a Dr’s office sobbing and begging for pharmaceutical relief. Spoiler alert…I didn’t need the pills. I changed my jobs and have been working really hard on my coping skills in the meantime. During that job, I began doing in-home caregiving with a participant. Now I am a full-time caregiver for a few different clients with a spectrum of disabilities and ailments. I may not be able to help myself all the time, but I am AMAZING at helping others and have found my true calling.
- I will be living alone in two months.
For the first time in my life, I will be living in my very own apartment. By myself. No one helping me. I will have reached a level of independence I never thought possible, and I can’t wait to share it with you all.
There have been many times I wished I could turn to this blog and vent, but I decided to wait until I had a clear head. I’ve missed you all, and wish to reconnect with my readers and reach some new ones. Until my next post…stay happy my friends.